


100dicrous Shenanigans

by Heubristics



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 100dicrous Shenanigans, Doomed Timeline, Equius actually talks to people, Explicit Language, Gen, Not that it makes much of a difference in the Furthest Ring, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Serious Business, The anti-roleplaying conspiracy, roleplaying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-02-18 14:24:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18701410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heubristics/pseuds/Heubristics
Summary: Somewhere in the vastness of nonexistences that is the Furthest Ring, the remains of a golden battleship and a meteor lab drift endlessly. The eleven trolls, four kids, and innumerable game constructs aboard this mess have passed out of canon for eternity to a doomed and uncertain future, surrounded by nothing but unfathomable terrors, cracks in space and time, and bubbles of their dead alternate selves. A situation ripe for drama.But Equius Zahhak has more important things to worry about than that! Because the once-safe meteor has become afflicted by a greater evil than timeline machinations or angels of destruction. It has claimed his morail, his teammates, and the humans. Only a few brave souls are left to stand up against the whimsical scourge, the frivolous merriment, the 100dicrous shenanigans...of roleplaying.





	1. Chapter 1

CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW opened private transtimeline bulletin board 100dicrous shenanigans

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board 100dicrous shenanigans  
CCT: D --> I feel that I must make one thing abso100tely clear on the purpose of this board  
CCT: D --> There will be no f001ish translinear ranting or raving like that e%emplified by a certain loud mouthed rogue-b100d, nor will any shenanigans unrelated to those of the topic at hand be tolerated  
CCT: D --> And  
CCT: D --> Due to the present circumstances, this board will be only a%essible to a select few individuals who can be trusted in this endeavour  
CCT: D --> Including myself  
CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGA: I Suppose That I Am One Of Those Select Few Individuals  
CGA: Given The Rather Brusque Message That Demanded I Respond To The Sender And Owner Of This Board  
CGA: And The Next Eight Demanding Messages After That  
CCT: D --> Correct  
CGA: So Far Those Select Few Individuals You Speak Of Appear To Consist Solely Of You And Me  
CCT: D --> Yes  
CCT: D --> As a jadeb100d it was important, neigh imperative that you respond at once to the orders of a b100 b100d  
CGA: Excuse Me  
CCT: D --> But  
CGA: But No  
CCT: D --> I require your assistance  
CGA: Given The Fact That We Have Almost Never Talked Or Really Had Much Of Any Interaction At All In The Past I Find It Hard To Believe Your Words  
CGA: Why Not Pester Your Moirail  
CGA: Or Try To Find That Vulgar Grubheap Of Clownish Lunacy Who Quotations Had Finally Embraced His Position Atop The Hierarchy End Quotations Since You Still Appear To Believe In Hemosupremacy Even After What He Did To You  
CCT: D --> I  
CCT: D --> I will not talk about the highb100d  
CCT: D --> Nor will I seek him out  
CCT: D --> And Nepeta is one of the reasons this board was created. It would not be prudent to bring this up to her, after recent events  
CGA: Hmm  
CGA: I Must Admit That Though I Have Thought You To Be Generally Creepy And Stuck Up And Rude And Prone To Sweating All Over My Perfectly Good Fabric Piles  
CGA: I Cannot Say That Your Moiraillegiance With Nepeta Has Been Anything Short of Ideal  
CGA: If You Are Not Willing To Talk To Her Then You Must Feel Strongly About This  
CCT: D --> STRONGLY  
CGA: Fine  
CGA: I Will Hear You Out Once Before I Leave  
CGA: But Why Me  
CCT: D --> Because despite my STRONG feelings on the subject of stopping these 100dicrous shenanigans  
CCT: D --> You are far more STRONG when it comes to speaking with our teammates than I ever will be  
CGA: I See  
CGA: Very Well Then I Guess  
CGA: Inform Me About These 100dicrous Shenanigans You Require My Assistance On  
CCT: D --> They are related to the topic of Nepeta, as well as the  
CCT: D --> Humans  
CGA: Rose And The Others  
CCT: D --> Yes  
CCT: D --> I am aware that my rea%ions to both the humans and Nepeta’s propensity to roleplay in the past have been somewhat e%essive  
CGA: Is That What This Is About Then  
CCT: D --> And I have attempted to 100sen my collar so to speak to accommodate their proclivities towards wiggler games  
CGA: Very Magnanimous Of You  
CGA: One Second  
CCT: D --> But since the night they crashed that e%ceptionally gaudy and lethal Prospitan battlecruiser into our meteor and doomed us all, things have gotten e%eedingly out of hand. The humans have pol100ted her thinkpan and only encouraged her actions further  
CCT: D --> Even the calc001ating tealb100d and the heiress have also been swept up in the funnelsweeper of frivolous playacting and silly pretend games that the humans have set 100se  
CGA: Okay Back  
CGA: I Must Admit I Do Not Really See How Our Teammates Roleplaying Is That Terrible  
CGA: It Seems Far Less Extreme Than The Type That Vriska And The Others Engaged In On Alternia  
CGA: Even If They Do Occasionally Use Up My Precious Fabrics On Elaborate But Gauche Costume Designs  
CGA: And Interrupt Me While I Am Trying To Read Roses Wizard Novel  
CCT: D --> While they did not always perform as their b100d dictates they must, the tealb100d and the heiress have nonetheless been necessary for maintaining an e%ample of the hemospectrum on this meteor. They upheld the law and authority respe%tively, until the humans came here and made a mockery of everything  
CCT: D --> If not stopped now, their actions could have e%treme consequences for us all  
CCT: D --> I do not wish to % my moirail, but we must redirect the incoming f100d before it hits  
CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCA: so wwhat youre basically sayin is you dont like the fact that nep is spendin more time roleplayin with the humans than she is in listenin to you wwhine about them  
CCT: D --> You were not invited to this board sea dweller  
CCT: D --> Leave at once, lest I be forced to %trude you from this conversation personally  
CCA: wwait eq dont get swweaty on me i wwas invvited in  
CCA: tell him kan  
CGA: I Am Sad To Admit That I Invited Mister Ampora Onto This Board Once You Mentioned The Topic Of Roleplaying  
CGA: His Past Experience With The Matter Far Outstrips My Own And He Voiced Considerable Interest When I Told Him About It  
CCA: wwhen i heard you wwere needin the help a an EXPERIENCED EXTREME ROLEPLAYER i knew i had to help  
CCA: i mean wwhat good is a prince of hope evven if they cant do anythin to help their friends out of a jam  
CCT: D --> We are not friends sea dweller  
CCT: D --> But I will endure your presence here for the time being, under such e%treme circumstances  
CGA: If Everything Is Settled Between You Two Can I Leave This Conversation Then  
CCA: no kan WWAIT  
CCA: you cant pull me in wwith eq an then just leave  
CCA: i swwear if you stay here an stick it out ill make it up to you  
CCA: ill duel my other dream selvves that did you wwrong in their timelines  
CCA: ill take double shifts wwatchin ovver the mother grub  
CCT: D --> You will not leave this memo. I command you to stay  
CGA: You Command Me  
CGA: …  
CCA: …  
CCT: D --> ...  
CCA: did you really just say that after evverythin that wwent down  
CCT: D --> I  
CCT: D --> I had not considered  
CCT: D --> It was the  
CGA: Equius  
CGA: Perhaps What You Meant To Say Was That As You Consider Me A Valuable And Sensible Member Of This Meteor Slash Flying Battleship You Would Like For Me To Remain In This Conversation But Would Respect My Decision On The Matter Either Way  
CCT: D --> Yes  
CCT: D --> As in yes I would request you to stay but would be fine if  
CCT: D --> Fiddlesti%  
CGA: Then I Will Stay For The Moment  
CGA: And I Will Also Hold You To Those Promises Eridan  
CCA: of course kan wwhat do you take me for  
CCA: noww listen here eq i can get behind your vviewwpoint  
CCA: you dont wwant nep or the rest of our teammates roleplayin wwith the humans because theyre makin a mockery out of the right an noble practice of serious gamin am i right  
CCT: D --> I must concede your partial corre%ness in the matter  
CCA: kneww it  
CGA: I Am Still Confused  
CGA: How Do The Humans And Some Of Our Teammates Roleplaying Lead To Extreme Consequences If So Far They Appear To Merely Be Pretending To Engage In Adventures Of Less Seriousness And Lethality That The Game We Have Just Played Ourselves  
CCA: kan is also right though eq  
CCA: wwe just wwent through one of the most noble an serious gamin moments of our livves  
CCT: D --> If we e%amine the matter in question more closely, the answer will become quite clear. The first consequence of these 100dicrous shenanigans will be, for e%ample  
CURRENT twinArmageddons [CTA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTA: the fiir2t con2equence ii2 your bone bulge gettiing 2weaty over the iidea of beiing able two complaiin about people haviing fun.  
CTA: liike je2u2 EQ ii dont liike iit eiither when they run pa2t my room whiile iim tryiing two dunk on 2ome other lo2er gho2ts iin hackiing competiitiion2.  
CTA: but diid you 2ERIIOU2LY create thii2 board and iinviite KN ju2t two complaiin two her.  
CCT: D --> I didn’t invite you either mustard b100d  
CGA: I Am Not Responsible For Inviting Him  
CCA: wwhy are you here sol nobody invvited you  
CTA: 2ee that2 2iimple, ii iinviited my2elf.  
CTA: 2aw that 2omeone had triied two create a priivate board and diidnt iinviite me 2o ii wa2 ju2t goiing two hack iit and 2ee the juiicy detaiil2.  
CTA: but then ii read your conver2atiion and holy 2hiit EQ LMAO.  
CCA: wwoww rude just buttin your horns in wwhere they dont belong like alwways  
CTA: fuck you.  
CCA: just kiddin you kinda deserve it eq  
CGA: Both Of Your Statements Were Pretty Rude But Also Not Entirely Without Merit  
CGA: Apologies Equius  
CCT: D --> No  
CCT: D --> Although e%cruciating to sit through, I am beginning to be reminded of why I turned to you for help  
CCT: D --> Unlike you I am  
CGA: Obstinate  
CCA: awwkwward as fuck  
CTA: clo2e-miinded  
CGA: Sometimes Brutish  
CCA: vvery swweaty  
CTA: generally a biig paiin iin the a22?  
CCT: D --> While e%essive, your words are not wrong. I...can be all of those  
CCT: D --> Though to be udderly truthful, I am also getting a little % at the tone of this conversation  
CCT: D --> But even if I am making a foal out of myself right now I am STRONG enough to take it  
CCT: D --> What I am not STRONG enough to handle is the e%treme 100dicrous shenanigans this board was created to address  
CCT: D --> Which is why I commanded the jade  
CCT: D --> Um  
CCT: D --> Which is why I asked Kanaya to help  
CGA: Thanks  
CTA: je2u2 back two thii2 already.  
CTA: 2o you 2et up your own priivate board and dragged KN iintwo iit two talk 2hiit about everyone who2e iin the roleplayiing club.  
CTA: why do you care 2o much?  
CCT: D --> I was going to e%plain everything before you interrupted  
CCA: eq only likes serious games an he thinks roleplayin is beneath him  
CCA: an he doesnt like that nep is alwways goin off and roleplayin wwith the humans as opposed to sittin and glubbin endlessly wwith him cause hes lonely  
CCT: D --> No  
CCA: yes  
CCT: D --> No  
CCA: yes  
CCT: D --> No  
CCA: yes  
CCT: D --> No  
CGA: A Bit Yes  
CCT: D --> …  
CCA: haha kan got you there  
CTA: now kii22.  
CGA: To Be Fair To Equius  
CGA: While I Believe That He Is Being Overly Dramatic About The Effects Roleplaying Is Having On This Meteor Slash Battleship He Is Not Wrong That It Has Occasionally Been Less Than Positive  
CGA: More Than Once I Have Found My Fabric Supplies Raided For Material For Their Costumes  
CGA: And Heard The Sounds Of Their Mock Battles Interrupt My Private Reading Time  
CCA: wwell said kan i gotta say sometimes its the same for me  
CCA: ill be busy in my awwsome wwhite science lab wworkin on new sick wwands and suddenly ter and jade and nep come bustin in the door and say im some evvil wwarlock they gotta kill  
CTA: yeah becau2e you pretty much are one.  
CTA: ii 2till remember the way you were poiintiing that wand at u2 a22hole.  
CCA: cool it sol i swwear its not like that noww  
CCA: i wwas out of it a bit but seein jack get vvaporized by that battleship was really inspirin as hell  
CGA: It Really Was  
CCA: an anywways that doesnt matter noww wwhat matters is eq isnt that wwrong  
CCT: D --> ...  
CCA: i got nothin against noble an vvalid roleplayin but theyre gettin a bit too wwild you knoww  
CCA: breakin into wwhite science labs  
CCA: bein goofy and carefree wwhen wwere tryin to be serious about this situation  
CCA: an didnt i see them rummagin around near your new hivves sol  
CTA: WHAT  
CGA: I Can Vouch For That  
CTA: when the fuck wa2 thii2?  
CGA: A Few Days Ago  
CTA: 2o iit wa2nt the underliing2 that me22ed up the wiiriing iin my beehouse maiinframe2?  
CGA: What You Thought Were Loose Underlings Sollux Were In Fact Jade and Nepeta Going On Quote A Secret Cyberfur Adventure In The Halls Of The Bee Lord End Quote  
CGA: I Apologize For Not Telling You Earlier Since I Did Not Think They Had Done Any Damage  
CTA: iit2 okay KN dont need two be sorry ju2t ii ju2t get touchy when people fuck around near my 2hiit.  
CTA: giive me a biit two ju2t move everythiing.  
CTA: again.  
CCT: D --> For what it is worth mustard  
CCT: D --> Er  
CCT: D --> Sollu%  
CTA: ehehehehe oh 2hiit ii diidnt know you had iit iin you two not be a conde2cendiing a22 all the tiime EQ.  
CCT: D --> I can empathize with feeling b100 over the thought that your privacy has been %ed  
CCT: D --> I too would be STRONGLY upset if that happened  
CCT: D --> And it occurs to me that this is something we have in common  
CGA: We Do  
CCA: wwe do?  
CTA: oh ii 2ee  
CTA: our 2hiit gettiing iinterrupted  
CTA: NP no longer hangiing out wiith you a2 much  
CCT: D --> The jade  
CCT: D --> Kanaya  
CCT: D --> You e%plained in this chat that the roleplayers have interrupted you in the middle of your other duties  
CGA: That Is Right  
CGA: I Dont Think They Are Really That Big An Issue But Occasionally They Are Too Much For Me  
CCT: D --> And I have seen the nobleb100d human you are always with engaging in roleplaying with the others more and more often  
CGA: Hmmm  
CGA: I Have Noticed Rose Has Had Increasing Scheduling Conflicts Between Our Regular Reading And Fabric Sessions And Meetings With The Roleplaying Group  
CCT: D --> And the mustard  
CCT: D --> Sollu%  
CCT: D --> You know how the roleplayers treated your hives  
CCT: D --> And how the heiress has been spending e%tra time with them as of late  
CTA: cant beliieve youre actually tryiing two recruiit me iinto 2ome 2ecret fanta2y con2piiracy agaiin2t your moraiil and her friiend2 but 2ure whatever.  
CCT: D --> And the sea dweller e%plained that the roleplayers have interrupted his work in his laboratory  
CCA: oh come on really  
CCT: D --> It l00ks to me as though we have all been affected by their 100dicrous shenanigans  
CCA: you make this big showw a callin kan an sol by their actual names but im still the seadwweller  
CTA: ehehehe 2uck iit  
CGA: Equius  
CCT: D --> Fine  
CCT: D --> I apologize for my neighgligence in not mentioning your name  
CCT: D --> Eridan  
CCA: wwell thank you  
CCA: an honestly i get what youre sayin eq  
CCA: kinda wwanted to get in on wwhatever this is anywways  
CCA: more excitin than contemplatin the endless vvoid wwhile wwe drift through nothing  
CCT: D --> So let me try this one more time  
CGA: Im Listening  
CCA: all fins here  
CTA: ii got nothiing better to do.  
CCT: D --> I will say this one last time with no interruptions or other neighgative comments  
CCT: D --> We have all e%pressed our grievances about the roleplayers. Nepeta, Vriska, the bronzeb100d, the tealb100d, the heiress, and the humans are engaged in a series of silly and fake games that are nevertheless e%tremely serious  
CCT: D --> It is cru%ially important that nepeta and the others stop roleplaying, for the sanity of all of trollkind. If we do not intercede, the consequences of these 100dicrous shenanigans will be  
CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CEB: hey everyone, is this where the secret no fun allowed anti-roleplaying meeting is being held?  
CEB: sollux told me the password to get in was neigh  
CCT: D --> That’s it  
CCT: D --> Everybody out  
CCT banned CEB from responding to memo.  
CCT banned CTA from responding to memo.  
CCT banned CCA from responding to memo.  
CGA: Before You Ban Me  
CGA: This Was Actually More Fun Than I Expected  
CGA: You Can Inform Us About The 100dicrous Consequences At The Next Meeting  
CCT: D --> Oh  
CGA ceased responding to memo.  
CCT: D --> Thank you Kanaya  
CCT: D --> Wait  
CCT: D --> Next meeting  
CCT: D --> Fudge, I need a towel  
CCT closed memo.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looks like it wasn't a one-shot after all

CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board 100dicrous shenanigans  
CGA: Since Equius Is Busy Repairing His Robots After Gamzees Latest Rampage Through The Lower Levels I Am Officially Calling The Second Meeting Of The No Fun Allowed Anti-Roleplaying Committee To Order  
CURRENT twinArmageddons [CTA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTA: oh 2hiit what2 thii2.  
CGA: Hello Sollux  
CTA: are where doiing iit KN.  
CTA: are where MAKIING THII2 HAPPEN!  
CGA: Doing What  
CGA: I Dont Follow  
CTA: doe2 thii2 make EQ the biig man.  
CGA: I Dont Understand  
CTA: you dont?  
CGA: Who Is The Big Man  
CTA: oh fuck you dont.  
CGA: Consider This Statement As A Series Of Surprise Noodles To Express My Confusion At Your Words  
CTA: nevermiind.  
CGA: Wait  
CGA: Is This A Reference To Something  
CTA: iit2 nothiing.  
CTA: ju2t 2ome dumb reference two 2ome 2hiitty iironiic meme comiic.  
CGA: Ah  
CGA: I Am Afraid My Interests In Comedy Always Tended More Toward The Snark Than The Ironic  
CTA: 2orry.  
CGA: Why  
CTA: forgot you werent iinto that kiind of 2tuff liike TZ or the tiime dude ii2.  
CGA: No Need To Apologize Though  
CGA: And Dave I Think  
CTA: probably.  
CTA: thank2 KN.  
CGA: Its Fine  
CTA: what kiind of name2 are tho2e anyway2 iit2 iimpo22iible two 2horten them liike a real name.  
CTA: what the hell am ii 2upposed two do wiith that? DV? ju2t feel2 wrong.  
CGA: As Odd As Their Names Are I Find Them Somewhat Endearing  
CGA: You Could Always Call Them By Their Full Names  
CTA: ii gue22??  
CTA: iit doe2nt feel riight though.  
CGA: To Redirect To Your Earlier Question Although I Do Not Understand The Reference I Suppose You Could Say Yes  
CTA: yes what.  
CGA: Quote Where Doing It Sollux  
CTA: waiit youre goiing two humor my 2hiity reference?  
CGA: Where MAKING THIS HAPPEN End Quote  
CTA: holy 2hiit  
CTA: fuckiing amaziing KN welcome to referenceviille populatiion u2.  
CGA: Will Referenceville Include A Tour Of This Comic You Mentioned  
CTA: you liike briight color2 riight KN.  
CGA: Yes I Find Them Very Cheerful  
CTA: youre goiing two love iit ehehehehe.  
CGA: I Look Forward To It  
CTA: good mood back TZ2 never goiing two beliieve thii2.  
CGA: Lets Get This Meeting HAPPENING Then  
CTA: hell ye2.  
CTA: actually waiit hold up KN.  
CTA: you actually fall for that hoofbea2t-2hiit EQ wa2 2poutiing about con2equence2?  
CGA: Well  
CGA: Not Really  
CGA: But To Be Totally Honest Given That Rose Is Currently Acting As The Keeper Of Arcane Lore For The Roleplaying Club And Karkat Is On Another Self Imposed Trollhunt For Gamzee I Find Myself With No One To Talk To And Nothing To Do But Contemplate The Endless Void And Reflect On Who I Might Have Been  
CGA: Which Got Old Really Fast  
CTA: what about VK?  
CGA: She Is Currently Contemplating The Endless Void And Reflecting On Who She Might Have Been  
CTA: ahaha 2o theres no one to 2peak wiith but u2 lo2er2 then eh.  
CGA: I Would Not Call You A Loser Sollux  
CGA: But Yes  
CTA: 2o thii2 meetiing youre calliing i2 ba2iically...  
CGA: Just Talk Really  
CGA: Shoot The Nonexistent Breeze  
CTA: what ii2 there two even dii2cu22 the2e niight2 though liike 2POIILER2 were on a ma22iive rock 2la2h flyiing battle2hiip hurtliing through obliiviion forever.  
CTA: iit2 all gho2t2 and tentacle2 from now on.  
CGA: I Know  
CGA: And Yet  
CGA: It Was Actually A Little Refreshing To Talk With Others Who Were Not Quite As Social About The Antics Of Our Companions  
CGA: And I Had Been Physically Isolated For So Long In My Hive That Sometimes With So Many People And Game Constructs Around It Gets Overwhelming  
CTA: huh.  
CTA: actually forgot you liived alone iin the de2ert.  
CGA: Sometimes I Envy Those Of Us Who Grew Up In Populated Areas  
CGA: Like You And Karkat  
CTA: nah communal hiive-2tem liiviing 2ucked ma22iive hoofbea2t-globe2.  
CTA: newly-pupated wriigler2 tra2hiing the 2tem whiile te2tiing theiir modii or 2triifiing, 2ound from 2ome a22hole2 warblecannon 2crewiing wiith my maiinframe2 every midday, all that noii2e on top of the waiiliing of the iimiinently decea2ed.  
CGA: Oh  
CTA: dont get me 2tarted on the 2taiir2.  
CTA: ii 2hould have lii2tened two the warniing2.  
CGA: So Thats Part Of Why You Valued Your Privacy So Much In The Game  
CTA: yeah.  
CGA: I Can See Why  
CGA: But Something In That Last Meeting Even With It Being Mostly Pointless And Sometimes Insulting Felt  
CGA: Like I Could Be Alone Together With Everyone  
CGA: Like When It Was Just Me And My Lusus And Everyone Over Trollian  
CTA: that2 really niice youre wiilliing two lump your2elf wiith a 2weaty hoofbea2t-ob2e22ed a22hole, a viiolent quadrant-ob2e22ed a22hole, and a p2ychiic ma2termiind and hackiing geniiu2 who ii2 al2o an a22hole.  
CTA: iim honoured, 2eriiou2ly.  
CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CEB: hey sollux!  
CEB: and kanaya!  
CTA: 2up.  
CGA: Hello John  
CEB: i’m not gonna get banned again straight off the bat, am i?  
CTA: nah EQ ii2nt here yet.  
CGA: I See No Reason To Ban You  
CGA: Though Im Not Sure Why You Came Back  
CEB: cause uhhhhhhhh i was invited?  
CTA: ii thought thatd be funny EQ blew a ga2ket.  
CGA: Just To Hang Out Or What  
CEB: i mean i didnt really get what centaurs testicle was talking about with 100dicrous shenanigans because he never actually said what was supposed to happen.  
CGA: Equius  
CGA: And Yes The Nature Of These So Called 100dicrous Shenanigans Continues To Elude Me   
CTA: iim 2ure we wiill hear all about them once he2 back.  
CEB: but the role playing is driving me crazy!!!!!!!!  
CGA: Um  
CTA: haha dont 2ay anythiing KN.  
CEB: what?  
CTA: no ju2t keep goiing.  
CGA: Its Nothing  
CEB: well okay then, as i was saying i cant stand all the role playing!  
CEB: i thought once wed finally get to hang out in person we could do awesome stuff like play video games or jam on our instruments or go explore our neighborhoods but all rose and dave and jade have wanted to do is role play with you trolls!  
CGA: They Are Exploring The Lands And The Lower Levels Though  
CEB: thats different.  
CEB: i meant exploring like real exploring not pretend exploring.  
CTA: 2hiit KN maybe thii2 ii2 actually EQ he2 2tartiing two do the pretend biit.  
CGA: You Know Equius Would Never Give Up His Bow Quirk Though  
CTA: got me there.  
CGA: Why Not Just Go Exploring Alone Then John  
CEB: thats not any fun either!  
CEB: i never got to hang out with them for years and the first day we met we were too busy dealing with you and jack noir and that dumb game to do anything.  
CEB: i mean me and rose did stuff but she was in full grimdark mode and i didnt see jade or dave at all.  
CGA: Until You Crashed Your Battleship On Top Of Us  
CEB: oh yeah that.  
CGA: Yes That  
CEB: whoops.  
CGA: Which I Am Still Not Sure How You Accomplished Given How Concerned Your Time Player Seemed To Be At Making Sure Things Turned Out Right  
CEB: it was a very hectic series of events that i don’t want to talk about.  
CGA: Perhaps Another Time  
CTA: weve got plenty of that.  
CGA: So The Reason You Are Interested In This Club And Spending Time With Us Is To Spend More Time With Your Actual Friends  
CEB: it was still fun to meet you trolls and do stuff even if we accidentally doomed you all!  
CTA: thank2 for remiindiing u2 about that we totally forgot about the doom part.  
CEB: but to be honest i wish that we could have just done stuff alone for a bit before rose and dave and jade went off to become the keeper of arcane lore and the bark witch of the woods with a thousand frogs and whatever daves is called.  
CGA: I Think I Heard Terezi Refer To Him As The Rad Knight  
CEB: so i’m totally down to be part of this club and get my friends back!  
CGA: Well Then  
CGA: You May Be The Most Enthusiastic Member Of This Group Besides Equius  
CEB: sweet.  
CEB: so what are we doing for the second meeting?  
CEB: i read the backlog but it seems mostly like kanaya not getting peak earth humour and i guess what you trolls call a feelings jam or whatever?  
CTA: that wa2nt a feeliing2 jam dumba22.  
CGA: That Was Not A Feelings Jam John  
CEB: jeeze okay whatever you say!  
CEB: sure sounded like talking about your feelings to me.  
CTA: we were but that doe2nt make iit a feeliing2 jam.  
CTA: iit make2 you an iidiiot who doe2nt know how two iidentiify ba2ic 2ociial iinteractiion.  
CEB: wow rude.  
CGA: The Point Of This Meeting Is To  
CGA: Actually I Think I Was Going To Just Ask Equius to Elaborate More On What He Was Going To Say Originally But He Still Isnt Here  
CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCA: wwhats this nobody told me there wwas goin to be another meeting noww  
CEB: hey!  
CEB: you’re eridan right.  
CGA: That Is Correct  
CCA: yeah  
CEB: the one who dresses like a hipster supervillain.  
CCA: says the alien wwearin the garish a fuck blue wwindsock  
CEB: no i actually like it!  
CGA: Really  
CTA: of course the dude wiith 2hiity ta2te liike2 your co2tume ED.  
CEB: gives you a kind of criss angel mysterious vibe.  
CCA: wwho  
CEB: a master magician!  
CEB: he can saw himself in half and make your car disappear and other hilarious antics that makes everybody laugh using magic  
CTA: that make2 2en2e actually we all laugh at ED.  
CGA: Sollux Hush  
CCA: magic isnt real  
CEB: first off magic is totally real, and second of course not it was all tricks and illusions and science  
CCA: wwell okay obvviously then im troll criss angel because I am also a swweet fuckin master a the wwhite science  
CEB: does that make you a magician and not a wizard  
CCA: wwizards are fakey fake fakers wwho use fake magic an my wwand is powwered by pure wwhite science so yes  
CEB: :o  
CEB: if you are troll criss angel can i become your apprentice.  
CCA: wwait wwhat  
CEB: i am only a beginner in the ancient arts of illusion and mystical whimsy you can teach me your mysterious hipster magician ways.  
CTA: ii2 thii2 a prank.  
CCA: really  
CTA: ii dont know whether ED ii2 more 2tupiid for tru2tiing JN or the other way around.  
CCA: shut up sol  
CGA: First Eridan Let Me Remind You That I Was The One Who Taught You The Power Of The White Science  
CCA: oh yeah a course kan wwithout you instructin me in the wways of the wwhite science i nevver woulda realized my true callin  
CGA: Second Are You Absolutely Sure That You Are A Magician Given I Have Never Seen You Exhibit Much Wonder Or Whimsy At All Ever  
CCA: kan givven wwhat i havve just heard i am obvviously cut out to be a teacher in the wways of real magic  
CCA: an as a prince of hope i am bursting wwith the powwers of wwonder an wwhimsy  
CEB: so youll teach me.  
CCA: yeah   
CEB: hooray!  
CEB: (hoo hoo hoo)  
CCA: hey wwhats that fake wwhisperin hoo hooin supposed to mean  
CGA: Shenanigans Presumably  
CEB: nothing :B  
CTA: thii2 i2 goiing to be a 2hiit2how.  
CCA: so my first command neww apprentice john is to tell me wwhat wwent dowwn in this meetin  
CEB: honestly master eridan i dont actually know myself i just got here and wanted to say that i wanted to be part of the anti-roleplaying club!  
CGA: At This Point Even I Am Not Sure What The Point Of This Meeting Was  
CTA: a2iidde from the part2 where ED and JN were 2peakiing ii had fun talkiing wiith you.  
CCA: wwoww  
CEB: rude.  
CGA: Thanks  
CTA: let2 be hone2t though thii2 whole group doe2nt HAVE a purpo2e iin the fiir2t place EQ started iit becau2e he wa2 mad at NP and wanted two vent.  
CTA: no poiint two beiing here other than talkiing about random 2hiit two 2tave off the endle22 poiintle22ne22 of our own exii2tence2 or lii2tening two EQ rant at u2 about non2en2e.  
CEB: but i actually dont like that all my friends are always roleplaying with your friends instead of hanging out doing literally anything else!  
CCA: didnt wwe havve a big heartfelt speech an evverythin too about them messin wwith our stuff  
CGA: I Still Havent Been Able To Resorganize My Sewing Station After The Great Fursuit Raid Of Last Week  
CTA: then maybe thii2 meetiing ii2 about what the fuck were actually doiing other than ju2t 2iittiing on our glutenub2 and banteriing about feeliing2 or magiic.  
CGA: That Is  
CGA: That Is Not Actually A Bad Idea  
CCA: alright lets go wwith that  
CEB: makes sense to me.  
CTA: 2o what2 the poiint of thii2 club then any taker2.  
CCA: obvviously wwe gotta stop the roleplayin club on this meteor slash flyin battleship  
CGA: Or At Least Keep Them From Running Wild With Their Imaginations And Liberal Borrowing Of Our Materials  
CEB: just break it up every once in a while!  
CCA: make an example a their leader  
CEB: who is their leader again?  
CEB: terezi right? she was always doing that weird creepy roleplaying about smelling my blood and legislacerating me for my crimes.  
CCA: fef is the natural heiress though shes the leader a any club she joins by right of birth  
CCA: ancient alternian laww  
CGA: Rose Is The Keeper Of Arcane Lore It Is Only Natural That She Is The Leader  
CTA: great gue22e2 but youre all wrong.  
CTA: iit2 NP.  
CEB: NP?  
CCA: nep  
CEB: nep?  
CGA: Nepeta  
CEB: you mean the nice but kinda weird troll that pretends to be a cat all the time?  
CEB: why didnt you just say nepeta to begin with sollux?  
CTA: oh no iim not gettiing iintwo thii2 agaiin.  
CTA: iit wa2 bad enough calliing you JN.  
CEB: ?  
CGA: Human Names Are Weird  
CEB: i dont know how to respond to that so i’m just going to ignore it for now.  
CGA: I Dont Think Equius Would Take Kindly To Us Making An Example Of Nepeta Eridan  
CCA: maybe wwe just intimidate them a little like grab one a the consort npcs an rough them up a bit  
CTA: brutal.  
CEB: no!!!!!!!!  
CEB: we cant hurt the consorts or carapace people, they’re nice!  
CEB: also jade would freak the fuck out and we’d all die.  
CGA: That Is Not The Worst Idea But It Is Pretty Close  
CCA: wwhatevver fine  
CGA: Why Dont We Just Distract Them By Getting Them Interested In Other Things Besides Roleplaying  
CTA: liike what.  
CGA: Sewing Maybe  
CEB: but sewing is boring and we can already use the alchemitors to make anything we need for clothing.  
CGA: Heresy And Lies  
CEB: i have a ton of movies, i could put on a movie marathon so everyone could learn about the lost masterpieces of earth cinema.  
CGA: I Have It On Good Authority From Another Member Of Your Session John That Your Taste In Movies Is And I Quote Mostly Horrible He Even Likes Mac And Me Unironically Do Not Listen To Him If He Ever Tries To Get You To Watch A Movie Marathon Unless You Enjoy Playing A Game Of Terrible Movie Roulette Is This Going To Be An Actually Decent Movie Or Are My Ears And Eyes Going To Throw An Anatomical Civil War At The Travesty They Are Experiencing End Quote  
CEB: blah  
CCA: howw about duelin each other  
CTA: you ju2t want two fiight people dont you ED.  
CCA: wwhats wwrong wwith a friendly duel evvery once in a wwhile  
CEB: to be honest i think i’ve had about enough of fighting for a bit.  
CGA: Same  
CTA: iid 2ugge2t a hackiing competiitiion but 2iince no one el2e on thii2 meteor 2la2h flyiing battle2hiip could even TRY two match my 2kiil2 iitd be poiintle22.  
CEB: i wouldn’t be so sure about that.  
CTA: dont even try JN youre wor2e than KK.  
CGA: Maybe We Can Make A List Of Things To Do Later  
CCA: ooh wwait i havve an idea  
CCA: wwere basically a conspiracy right  
CGA: Are We  
CCA: pretty much wwere meetin in secret an plottin against our fellow players  
CEB: this makes us sound like jerks when you say it like that.  
CCA: wwe ought to havve secret conspiracy roles an wwhatnot to reflect our special skills  
CEB: like secret agent stuff?  
CCA: an code names wwe can use so the roleplayers wwont knoww wwhose in the conspiracy  
CGA: It Does Sounds Very Similar To Intellincinerator Work  
CEB: and we could come up with code phrases that no one but us would know  
CCA: an a doomsday devvice  
CGA: No  
CCA: okay wwell negotiate the doomsday devvice later  
CGA: No We Will Not  
CTA: iil be the troll wiith the hu2ktop.  
CEB: what?  
CGA: What  
CCA: wwhat  
CTA: you know iin every con2piiracy or actiion moviie there2 thii2 one 2uper fuckiing cool hacker wiith 2weet 2hade2 and a hu2ktop who know2 all the code2 and alway2 2ay2 iim iin whiile effortle22ly breakiing whatever grub2auce fiirewall happen2 two be iin theiir way?  
CGA: No  
CEB: yes!  
CTA: iim that troll.  
CEB: :o  
CCA: youre dowwn wwith the conspiracy idea sol really  
CTA: lii2ten thii2 ii2 already a joke ii miight a2 well go all out wiith iit.  
CEB: i’ll be the ghost then!  
CEB: master of pranks, illusions and stealth.  
CEB: invisible like the wind.  
CTA: 2ound2 good two me.  
CCA: wwouldnt expect anythin less from my neww apprentice  
CGA: Can I Be The Daywalker  
CEB: what’s that?  
CCA: undead monsters wwho can survvivve daylight  
CGA: They Lead Terrible Romantic Lives Of Seclusion Forever Yearning To Connect With Others But Forever Unable To Be Accepted As Beings Of Terrible Lightness  
CGA: Sometimes They Drink Blood Too  
CEB: oh, like vampires!  
CGA: And I Have Seen That Some Of My Doomed Selves Appear To Have Become Rainbow Drinkers In Their Own Timelines So Its Not Like I Couldnt Have Become One Myself  
CGA: Potentially  
CCA: wwww  
CGA: But Not Having A Hole Through My Stomach Is Also Nice  
CTA: okay but a2 the daywalker what are your actual 2kiill2.  
CGA: Due To My Sleep Schedule Being Counter To Most Of Yours I Am Used To Staying Awake For Extended Periods Of Time Thus Allowing Me To Walk Around The Meteor And Monitor People While They Sleep  
CCA: thats not creepy at all  
CGA: I Also Have Extensive Experience With Many Types Of Blades As Part Of My Upbringing And Secret Training Which Combined With My Aspect Leveling In Sgrub Means I Can Basically Cut Apart Anything In Existence  
CTA: good two know we have not one but two bloodthir2ty iindiiviidual2 at the ready iin thii2 liighthearted antii-roleplayiing club.  
CEB: sollux, you don’t understand.  
CGA: And I Can Also Make Our Secret Conspiracy Member Uniforms  
CEB: kanaya is basically a half-alien half vampire like blade and that makes this officially the most awesome conspiracy in existence  
CGA: Thanks John  
CTA: uniiform2?  
CCA: wwhat kind a secret conspiracy wwould wwe be wwithout spooky robes or somethin similar to showw wwe mean business  
CTA: wed be 2ecret.  
CGA: Personally I See No Reason We Cant Be A Secret Anti-Roleplaying Conspiracy And Have A Sense Of Style At The Same Time  
CCA: right on the boondollars kan  
CCA: noww i already knoww wwhat i wwill be  
CGA: Not The Orphaner I Hope This Time  
CCA: no  
CCA: fuck i knoww i wwas a MASSIVE fuckin tool throughout the game kan but im a changed troll noww i swwear im nevver goin to go back to that okay fuck main me he wwas also a tool but noww hes dead  
CGA: That Was Meant To Be A Joke  
CCA: oh  
CEB: you okay there eridan?  
CTA: you have to admiit iit wa2 a hell of a burn.  
CGA: Not Quite As Funny As I Had Thought It Might Have Been It Seems  
CCA: nah main me wwas a joke anywways so its alright  
CCA: wwhat i wwas gonna say obvviously im the master wwizard of this rag tag conspiracy castin spells an generally bein awwesome and helpful  
CEB: you mean magician?  
CCA: master magician right i got physics backin me up not some hokey dusty tomes wwritten by old grubaddled wweirdos  
CGA: I Am Glad To See You Have Embraced Your Mystical Science Side Then  
CTA: 2o that2 all of u2 here except EQ.  
CEB: the troll with the husktop, the ghost, the daywalker, and the master magician  
CCA: in a secret conspiracy to stand against the roleplayin menace interferin wwith our livves an friends  
CGA: Presumably By Distracting Them With Other Pursuits But We Will Figure That Out Later  
CEB: is that it for this meeting then?  
CGA: Probably  
CCA: speaking of ivve gotta go now actually im pretty sure i just heard them around my lab  
CCA: just peeked out and yep they they go haulin away my precious equipment wwww  
CCA: troll you all at the third meetin  
CCA ceased responding to memo.  
CEB: you trolls are way more fun to hang out with than i first thought, this is fun!  
CEB: if they’re around eridan’s lab i’ll see if i can distract rose and dave and jade for a while and maybe even get them to do something else for a change!  
CEB ceased responding to memo.  
CTA: 2hiit2 been real here al2o KN.  
CTA: thank2 again for the talk earliier.  
CGA: No Worries Sollux  
CTA: ii dont really have anythiing two do but my p2iioniic 2en2e2 are telliing me that EQ 2hould arriive riight at the end of thii2 meetiing for max comediic tiiming.  
CTA: 2o iill let you deal wiith hiim iin2tead of me.  
CTA ceased responding to memo.  
CGA: Oh  
CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCT: D --> Well I am positively e%austed now  
CGA: Right On Time  
CCT: D --> For a number of e%cruciating hours I have cleaned fizzy sugar muck from my robots gears and cleaned the most disturbingly crass and 100d messages off their casings  
CCT: D --> I just hope that I am not too late for tonights lecture to you all on the dangers of the 100dicrous shenanigans caused by frivolous roleplaying shenanigans  
CGA: Equius Before I Leave On A Sudden And Important Errand To Watch The Matriorb Please Note That Me Sollux Eridan And John Have All Agreed To Officially Join The Anti-Roleplaying Conspiracy  
CGA: Please Think About Your Desired Code Name And Role In The Conspiracy As Well As Come Up With Your Measurements For Secret Uniform Fitting By The Next Meeting  
CGA ceased responding to memo.  
CCT: D --> What  
CCT: D --> What did I miss  


**Author's Note:**

> I actually mostly wrote this back in like, 2015? 2014? A good few years ago, really! Found it in the backlogs and I figured, hey, a few touch-ups and might as well set it loose on the world. 
> 
> Literally an excuse to have Equius banter with other characters, he gets so little dialogue in the actual story.


End file.
